Day’s I agonized over the direction that my life was heading, those fleeting moment’s between the place I was, when reality took hold of my sense’s for that ever brief second and I could see what I had reduced my life to and the ugly it held all around me, both internally and physically. The stench of the back alley I walked or the filth I considered myself to now be, lost in this world of addiction.
A place just before, the rush of that drug I just took in so I could erase all the guilt or shame I had felt, a place of safety I now lived in or so it seemed, because it was just easier then the work they say it is going to take, to recover from this life I was now living.
Agonizing over family that missed me, my children who wanted to know if I would ever come back home to love them once again. Painful memories I just wanted to forget, thoughts to horrible to face or deal with I believed, a crushing pain that haunts every moment. These had to be why I used, or started to at the beginning right, those self-defeating words that kept me down in the pit of hell and addiction.
Back from the edge… this was the only real choice to fix any of those things that tore my life apart for so long, years of pain stemming from childhood, days and years of bad choices must no longer hold me, if I was to recover. So I prayed for strength and asked my hp – GOD … to help me.
I left those pains there on that cliff and backed away from them, as I watched over the years from a safe distance to see what would happen, if I could really leave them behind me, that safety net of oblivion that surrounded me for as long as I could remember.
Those pains and mistakes, the guilt and shame of all the ugly I had caused, it began to fade like it just melted into the cliff, maybe it even just blew away in a harsh wind to never bother anyone again. I now had hope that I could conquer my addiction and be the person I was always meant to be, that mom, wife and daughter lost for so many years.
So there on that cliff I backed away slowly and as time elapsed I found a new me hiding not far away, waiting for me to embrace all that my God promised would be there for me, if I only believed it possible. Blind Faith in a power greater than me…
Grateful today to know that no matter why I may have started using, I’ll never forget why I stopped!!!! Yes because my addiction was killing me, obviously…
More so I’m grateful because of the awesome feeling I have today from all I have achieved over these years, my life is not perfect but I have just what I need today, food, clothing, housing, and work, but more than that I have a new life, filled with happiness and joy of the woman I found out there on that cliff. One whom is proud of where I am and glad from where I came, because today I can share with others a message and let them know that there is HOPE!
Recovery is worth any struggle you may face as you rebuild your life, that last year of jail for me was essential to the place I am at today and I pray daily to never lose touch with just how important my past was to the recovery I have maintained, because daily we must pray for our sobriety, because just for today… Sobriety must be and is a lifestyle change, everything about what I left on that cliff I must never return to or desire.
Grateful today I can share a message of recovery, faith and hope, as I reach out to others, please know … it started by me reaching inward and letting go of that which was no longer serving me, in my recovery.
I quit because I was worth it and I hope to inspire others to realize they too are worth it…
You are worth it, but only you can save You, please have Faith in yourself and trust in God to help save you when all else seems hopeless and reach from him, I promise he is there waiting for you.
God grant me the Serenity, to accept the things I can not Change and the courage to change the things I can, and most importantly…
The WISDOM to now the difference !!!!!!!!!!!
Blessings today for each of you, Rose