Regrets are sometimes self-destructive and other time’s can be our biggest catalyst forward, as we invest our energy into this feeling it brings many other questions along with it like; “How did I ever let thing’s get so bad?”
Regrets for me are many as I remember day’s of the past and if only I had done this or that differently, I would never have been in that relationship or fallen in with that crowd, maybe my family would be okay if only…
Today I must acknowledge that I can not undo what has been and work with all I have in me to help reshape those thing’s I now have influence over. I can go forward with my head held high and know that I am not who I once was and yes some days it’s much harder than it seems. But it’s okay because the girl I was back there long ago, is no longer and the girl I am today is filled with self-love and forgiveness.
I could dwell in the stigma of my past, allow all those heckling voice’s to trap me there, keep me sick and live in feelings of worthlessness and disgust or I can accept that it was a place in time that no longer serves me or the person I am now.
Life is to short to live in regret of what can not ever change, no matter how much we wish we could, all those mistakes I made I can only use as a learning tool and not repeat it again. I can today Love myself, enjoy my future and try the best I possibly can to live the life of Serenity I deserve. Rose
In early recovery we all have different thing’s that seem to trigger fear of succeeding to the finish line, whether it’s communication with others from years of isolation due to being shy, ashamed or lacking in social skills. Maybe it’s feelings of helplessness or hopelessness, because you have failed before and just don’t seem to have the strength to try again. Emotions of all sorts; self-doubt, denial, loneliness, fear, guilt, isolation, insomnia as those old tapes play over and over again in your mind. Years spent suppressing these things leading to more guilt and shame as they come to the surface.
Depression and suicidal thoughts creep into our minds, the physical pains of withdrawal also keeps some from fighting for their recovery. Acceptance of ones self and learning to live in our own skin, now that we are clean and sober. Becoming aggravated at the time it will take to put our lives back in order also cause many of us to give up. The cravings from either the physical or physiological need to use. The extreme anxiety and acceptance of what are lives have become and how to fix it, is daunting. Then of course those of us, like myself that relapse over and over again, believing that the next time won’t be as bad as the last time. Only to finally realize that the elusive HIGH, we have been chasing from the very first time we used, can never ever again be achieved.
And it’s here that we finally give in to acceptance of change or the defeat of using. Because after many years of abusive using I had but one choice, as do most long term addicts and alcoholics… It’s either going to be Recovery or Death, that wins in the end.
So find that one special reason for recovering just for yourself and focus on it, you must do this for you and then and only then, can you truly win your battle of addiction and STOP.
Dear Lord,Thank you for another glorious day.
As I watch the sun come up this morning I can only be grateful for another day. As I look forward to your instructions and guidance I go in Faith that my steps are where you place them. I ask Lord that you watch over all those I love, family, friends, acquaintances, those struggling with addictions of all sorts Lord. Give them strength today that they may know your grace and choose to follow your words and trust in the new path laid before them. May they know your Love as I do Lord, as it shine’s from me to them, help them to be receptive and trust in what is before them.
Lord in your glorious son Jesus Christ’s name, Amen.
To those who are still searching for this enlightenment, Pray to any Higher Power you can take strength from and trust in your new life and where it is going. Never look back to the old ways, as there is nothing left there for you.
Be Blessed in this day.
Love to all and Peace, Rose