More More More. This is what my addiction always demanded, I gave with everything I had in me daily to feed it. There was nothing as depraved as to the lengths I would go to fuel the beast inside me. Our addictions no matter what they may be can never be satisfied, at least for me this was the case. With each recovery try I was met with the thought of the allusive… “Just one last time,” hoping for that 1st time high, would be repeated, it was that same thing I chased with More, more, more.
So today in recovery I must put that same effort into my daily discipline of change. I started out with much quiet reflection on my life, sorting thru all those ugly feelings, trying to stay busy as I did and not lose my mind or the very early sobriety I had, I did meditation and puzzles to keep busy. I read from my big book, went to meetings and prayed, promising God that I would never fail him again.
I went back to school eventually and added to my already unused degree’s that I possessed. I sought out every way possible to rebuild my life, family and career. There was plenty of help out there, but these people don’t just give it away and there were many hoops I had to jump thru along the way to secure the life I know today.
Change is painful and it doesn’t stop at the place we decide to get clean and sober, there is much wreckage in our lives that must be repaired. There will be new pains that arise as life goes forward, relapse may happen, get over it and get back on your path to recovery. Relationships may fail, well let time heal your heart and find another to love. Change is hard for all of us, even the most grounded person who seems to have no difficulty’s in life, because chances are they do. Change is something we all fight against, but it is for our own good that we must find our way through it. Change will bring to you to new and happier level of freedom in your life, but first we must be willing to walk thru the unknown future and allow change, to change us.
Be blessed today my friends and walk in strength of the Lord (higher power). Rose